So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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