i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
