I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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