Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
