She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
