"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
