You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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