I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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