Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
