Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
