Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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