I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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