Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
