We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
