Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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