C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
