The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
