Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
whose parrot is this?
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So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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