In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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