take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
