I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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