i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
