I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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