Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
