I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize