I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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