I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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