I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
