I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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