the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
