i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
