ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
