Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
