I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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