Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
