my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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