Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You can't motorboat a personality
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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