i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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