when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We left an ass print on the piano.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
