it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
