she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
