Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
