I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
