I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
