i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
