I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
a search helicopter?!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
