Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I came so hard my ears popped.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
