I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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