I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize