Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
