saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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