Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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