im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
