I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
