First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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