If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
