sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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