She is in my trunk
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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