Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Two words: blizzard sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
