yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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